Just a rough stone

Sometimes I feel like a rough stone that Heavenly Father is trying to smooth out all the edges. Joseph Smith said something along these same lines. But isn't it true? Each and every day we live we have to choose what we believe, choose how we are going to act or react in every situation that day may bring about. Sometimes I don't realize I am consciously making these choices but other times I do. I am starting to realize the choices that we make each and every day have such a huge impact on the future, our future and other people's as well. 

Recently I was on an airplane. I bought the ticket for this ride months in advance with a friend. It was the first time either of us had done such a thing. I remember we double checked and triple checked to make sure that we had the same flight. We even had someone else check for us to make sure. After all of this checking how could we possibly have gotten it wrong? A month or so past and I was looking at my flight itinerary when I realized that I had the wrong day. How could this have happened? I called the airlines to see if I could switch flights....it was going to cost three hundred dollars to switch. So I started the process of switching flights. I was so afraid to fly alone that three hundred dollars didn't seem like that big of a deal to me. Isn't that crazy? I have always been so careful with money but all of my money rules seemed to fly out of the window at that moment. Right before I pressed confirm to pay the extra money I heard someone say clear as day "Stop and be still."

It was so odd and so sudden that I did. I have never felt the Holy Ghost so clearly in my life. I closed right out of all the tabs for the flight on my computer and just thought about what I was doing. I didn't need to waste three hundred dollars to switch flights. I knew that my friend and I had had the same flight when we bought the tickets but for some reason it was switched. I got down on my knees and prayed. Why? I got the overwhelming feeling that for some reason I needed to be on that flight. I didn't know why I still don't know why but for some reason I was supposed to be on that flight instead of the other one. It was scary knowing that I would be alone in a different country trying to figure out their airport. But I knew it was going to be okay. 

It's crazy how many different ways the Holy Ghost speaks. It doesn't always have to be so strong, sometimes it's just a small feeling. It all depends on if we choose to listen. Sometimes I wonder if the Holy Ghost ever gets tired of telling people things and them not listening. I think I would.

At the end of the day though I guess everyone has a choice to make. What do you choose to Believe?

The General Women's Broadcast

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Many people through out the world know us as Mormons, this is a nick name that has been given to us because we believe in the Book of Mormon as well as the Bible. Our Church believes in living Prophets and Apostles on the earth today. Every six months we have what is called General Conference. This is where the Prophets and Apostles speak to us and give us counsel and guidance for the world we live in. Everyone is welcome to attend or listen. It occurs the first week of October and the first week of April. I love this time of the year! I love listening to the Prophet and Apostles and other leaders in the Church, and every time I always can feel of the Saviors love for me! Along with this they have other meetings one of these meetings was the General Relief Society meeting ( The women's organization in our church). Usually this happens every September. Now they have changed it to where we meet together in the Fall and the Spring, and instead of just including the Relief Society Sisters, it includes all girls ages eight and up! Last night was the very first General Women's Meeting. It was amazing. Even if you are not a member of our church everyone is welcome to watch it, if you want to you can click on the link Here. When I first heard the announcement for this I was so excited. I loved getting to hear inspiration just for me every year and now we get to have it twice a year and we still get to have all of the amazing talk's that come out of General Conference as well! How amazing is that? I was also really excited because my niece would be able to go for her first time as well, isn't it amazing that they get to be included as well?

I was not disappointed. The meeting was truly amazing! They taught us about loving each other despite our differences. We need those differences to accomplish things. No matter your age you can serve others and do it with a smile. Love others for who they are! Stop creating barriers for yourself.  The biggest thing that I got from the meeting was to LOVE everyone, no matter their circumstances in life because we are all children of God even if sometimes we do not realize it!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wonder to myself " What in heavens name are you doing with your life Ashley???" and then a scary thought comes to mind.....I don't know! Life is filled with so many things that are uncertain, So many variables, so many what if's, so many doors that close and windows that open, that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. When I was younger I thought for sure that I would have life all figured out by now. I have had many many many amazing plans for myself and all of them were good things to do but for one reason I would get a gnawing feeling in my gut and then I would down to pray and realize that I needed to be doing something else with my life. I once heard a quote that said " If you want to make God laugh, make plans."
Now I am all for planning and getting things done but I have realized that you can't make something called a detailed life plan, writing down how everything is going to work out, because it never does work out exactly the way you planned and most of the time that is for the best.

Somehow we are led down new paths that we never dreamed we would be on, seeing things we had never dreamed of seeing. A good analogy I heard once is that you are planning a vacation to California and when you  get off the plane your in Canada. You have read everything you ever could read about California and you know it as well as you could without experiencing it but you know nothing about Canada. This happens in our lives a lot. We plan for something and prepare as best as we can and then it turns out to be Canada and not California. It is not that Canada is not a beautiful or amazing place it is just that we were planning for California, but it turns out that God had different plans. I feel like I am constantly going through this cycle and some of you probably feel the same way too. But now that I am in Canada there is really only two choices I could make; mumble and grumble about how things didn't turn out right and be angry or look around for the good, which there will be plenty off, as long as I open my eyes.

Sometimes when I pray I realize I am just asking God to help me. Help me get an "A" in this class, help me get a better job, help me help me help me!!!!Even sometimes when I write in my journal I stop and think Wow Ashley, you are really self centered! Maybe you should think about others for a change. I am still not perfect at it but I do try now to think of others more even when I pray. Help me get an "A" in this class so I may be able to help others, help me to have more patience with my job so I am not such a pain for other people to be around, help me help others.  I once had an institute teacher tell us " Become the best at whatever you are going to become so you  can testify to others that he lives." he then looked at me "Become the best teacher you can become so that you can testify to other teachers that Jesus is the Christ."

I have thought about this a lot lately and I have decided Why should I wait to do this until I actually have a job in my career? Why can't I be the best student I can be to testify that he lives? Or the best friend to others that I can be to testify to them that he lives? Everyone can do this no matter where they are in their lives. No matter how dull and boring you think your job is or if you have absolutely no idea what you are doing with your life.

A couple of days ago I applied for graduation. After doing so I came home and promptly started freaking out! I have no idea what I am doing? I mean I think i know what I would like to do but is that really the best decision? Is that really what I want. What happens if I hate it? What happens if I was wrong? On and on the questions ran through my mind, I was so scared I could feel my heartbeat speed up. I laid down on my bed wrapping myself up tightly in a blanket and then hiding under it like a little kid. It didn't help. So I promplty go up and then started pacing around. I need to go to the Temple. I need to go to the Temple right now! So I started to walk to the Temple. All the while thinking of everything thing that I needed to decide upon, my heart going a million miles per hour. I had only gone  a couple of blocks when I ran into a friend. I always love seeing this friend, she is always so happy and cheerful and bright! But today I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want her to know how badly I was freaking out but I couldn't avoid talking to her. As she chatted happily to me about life, I tried to hide my anxiety, and it worked really well. Soon without even realizing it I wasn't thinking about all of those scary thoughts flying through my head making me want to puke, I was just listening. We didn't talk for all that long and soon she was on her way. After she left I realized I wasn't scared anymore. I wasn't panicking. How could that be? Nothing extraordinary had happened. I felt perfectly fine and normal whereas minutes before I couldn't even think straight.

But that is the thing isn't it. God sends miracles in the smallest of ways, even if it is just a friendly face and a happy smile, but that is all it took. It is crazy to me that something so small basically banished all of my panic. Something normal.

We truly never know how are actions or the way we treat people will affect those around us. That is why it is so important to be kind.  I don't know how life will work out for me or for anyone else for that matter, but it doesn't matter because I know that God knows how it will all work out and as long as I trust in him everything will be ok!

Hi....

Hello my name is Ashley........and this is a blog post all about confessions or truthisms....if that even makes any sense :)

                                     I am a college student who is a little to obsessed with History

I am also overly obsessed with chocolate and reading.

You know how some people are obsessed with famous people

well I am obsessed with authors. I could walk past Tom Cruise on

the street and have absolutely no clue who he was but if I saw Shannon

Hale or Rick Riordan I would probably freak out and ask them to sign my books!

I like to make up stories in my head or write them down during classes when 

I should really be taking notes. 

I also really like taking pictures, but I am not a photographer :)

I like to go on little adventures, which usually are silly like "Let's find out where this hallway in the library leads" or "How many statues does campus really have?"

I also have really amazing friends who help me out a lot, even if they don't realize it.

                                                                  I love My Family!

I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ

I know he lives and loves each of us , even in my moments of sadness I know he hears me and answers prayers! Sometimes it feels like he is not really there but our Heavenly Father is always there, he never forgets us.

I am a child of God

It was a wintry day, a beautiful wintry day. I was done with classes for the day and didn't know what to do. So I decided to go on an adventure. I don't have a car so I caught a bus. When I went to change buses a lady asked me to help her carry her groceries onto the bus I was getting on, so I did. I set her stuff down by her and then asked what stop she was getting off at but sadly it wasn't the same one as me. She said not to worry though because her husband was going to meet her at the bus stop to help her carry there groceries back home. As I sat there waiting for the bus to start this lady then told me how she would carry her stuff if her husband wasn't there. She would get her stuff of the bus in two trips then she would set on load in the snow and then carry the rest of the stuff about fifteen feet then set if down and go back and grab the other load repeating the process until she got to her home.
"How far from the bus stop do you live?" I asked her

"Oh about a mile." She tells me " but usually some teenager gets off the bus with me and they always are nice enough to help me, and they never take off with the stuff."

Inside I was reeling, she lived a whole mile from the bus stop. Most of the bus stops in Logan are on busier roads. I began to wonder to myself if I saw this lady on the side of the road setting down one load of groceries and then going back to get another set over and over again would I stop to help her? How many times had she had to carry groceries like that? She didn't really seem to mind, it didn't seem to bother her at all and I guess it shouldn't. But it just stuck in my mind. I wondered how many people had passed her trekking that mile home loaded down with groceries and didn't even think a second thought about her?

Our conversation faded and I looked at the her truly looked at her, she looked worn out and tired but one thought stuck in my mind She is a child of God! She is a child of our Heavenly Father just like me, and Heavenly Father loves her dearly!
Then I started to look around at everyone else on the bus, some people were younger then me some people older then me, some haggard, some all dressed up but this same thought came to my mind They are all children of God! Who loves them! Do they know that?
This thought stuck with me as I said goodbye to the Lady on the bus. She thanked me for helping with her groceries but I wish I had done more then just carry them on the bus.

Suddenly as I walked around going places and doing things I saw people just a little bit differently. I have always known that we are all children of God but this time it was different. I saw someone who looked a little bit scary all decked out in black and sunken in eyes but this time instead of being scared of them I couldn't help but think You are a child of God too! Do you know that? Do you know how much he loves you? It was a little silly but I couldn't help but wonder if they knew how much they were loved? Sometimes we tend to forget when we are in our deepest sorrows.

I really don't know what it was but suddenly as I ran my errands people began to talk to me, and not just the usual "Hey how are you doing?" and then walk away kind of talk. Maybe it is because I actually looked interested in what they are saying, because I was seeing people differently this day.

One women told me " I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, my doctor says people tend to get it after they are 55 but I am not even 55 yet, but life is still good."

Another little old man told me that he was so excited to watch the Olympics but he was sure there was going to be a terrorist attack. His wife told him he needed to think positive. Then he added that I shouldn't go sledding down Old Main hill because I would probably hit a tree. His wife again said to be positive. I don't know why but it made me laugh, this little old couple. One was a worry wart and the other was a go with the flow kind of person.

I asked a lady at the store if she liked her job. She said she did and then told me it had great insurance. Her daughter had been a preemie and her insurance had paid for all the medical bills. Her daughter is nine now, almost in the double digits. Just at the mention of her daughter her face lit up. It is crazy that you can tell how much someone loves and adores another person just from an expression.

I know none of these things are extraordinary, not even what people talked to me about, and maybe they are even a little silly, but simple things always turn out to be great things. I know I should listen to people everyday of my life but I don't, I know everyone is a child of God, but sometimes I don't look at them like they are, which is wrong. God loves us all so much. I know not everyone believes that, remembers, or knows it but that doesn't change the facet the he does. So I wonder to myself: Would I stop to help the lady with her groceries on a snowy day even if it made me late to where I was going?

Do something that scares you

I love going to college. I love every bit off it, well maybe not every bit! I also love going to Religion and Life every Friday that the institute hosts. This is basically where a speaker comes and speaks about life and the gospel of Jesus Christ, though honestly you don't have to be LDS to go to it.  This past semester a husband and wife spoke, they weren't well known or famous like some of the people that come to speak to us but what they said has changed my life.

As they introduced themselves they said "Today we are going to talk about ZOMBIES!"
And of course that took everyone by surprise because who in there right mind puts Zombies and Religion in the same category?  But they did and it worked. They related how sometimes in this life we go about just feeling bleh, life just continues on but it's boring and we aren't really living. This is a stage in your life when you are a Zombie, just going through the motions, our brains feel like they have turned to mush ( but hopefully we are not eating brains). Then they said "Do something that makes you pee your pants a little."
I don't know about you but that doesn't sound like much fun at all but then they continued with a quote that went something like this
"Do something that scares you because when you do something that scares you come alive and what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Now I am not talking about doing something that scares you like jumping of a cliff or doing something scary stupid but something that you have always wanted to do but it scares you, maybe that is talking in front of a large group off people or maybe it is opening up your own business but whatever it is do it. Don't spend your life as a zombie mindlessly doing the day to day tasks.
Then they asked us "What are three things that scare you?"
It really didn't take me too long to think of three things that I had always wanted to do but was to afraid of what might happen if I did.
Then they said "Now go and do them!"
Wait... what? They wanted me to go and do these things that terrified me?
It made me panic a little but then the little voice said in the back of my mind "Why not?"

So I got to thinking why not? The worst that could happen is that I would fail, though failure is hard for anyone to take it is part of life. And that is when I started thinking of all the things I had done because the choice I had wanted in the first place seemed impossible, like my major. I love history. I love it to my very core but when it comes to jobs there really isn't a lot out there except for teaching, so that is what I was doing. When people would ask me " So what are you going into?"
"History education" I would reply back " I am going to be a teacher."
I would always try to look super excited about it but really I wasn't. I had  just chosen teaching because it was the safe and more reliable way, I would actually have a job in history. But my heart wasn't really in it, so I decided to change. Now when people ask me what I am going into I just say History! Sometime people give me a look that seems to say "Oh honey don't you know that is a road to nowhere?"
But it doesn't matter because I am happy, I did something that made me come alive! Don't worry either because I have an idea of what I want to do after I have graduated from college.
Of course I am still  a little scared about the future and what it holds but who isn't? The future is an unstable thing, and no one has life figured out exactly right but I know that if I pray and listen to my Father in Heaven everything will work out in the end,  I just have to have a little faith and a lot of patience!

So the real question now is, What scares you and are you going do to anything about it, or just stay a zombie for the rest of your life?

"Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight"

So guess what? I love the scriptures!!! I really really do! I have so many favorite stories but I think my favorite is the one about Gideon in the Old Testament. He had so much faith! I have been thinking about faith a lot lately. For Gideon he wasn't sure about a decision he was making, which was a pretty big decision so he prayed for God to help him to know that the decisions he was about to make was God's will and not his own and God answered him. Sometimes God answers prayers quickly, sometimes they take a while, and sometimes it takes a really long while and sometimes they don't come at all! I don't think how fast God answers our prayers has anything to do with how much faith we have, the story of Enos in the Book of Mormon shows us this. Enos prayed all night and all day for many different things one of these things was that the Lamanites might one day be able to read the Book of Mormon, and guess what Enos's prayer was answered but it took a couple of thousand years. I had an experience once were I prayed for something really hard, I begged my Heavenly Father for it, I don't know if I have ever prayed for something so hard. I knew I had the faith too and I felt like I had tried everything I could for Heavenly father to be able to bless me with it, but nothing happened. I couldn't help but think Is my Faith not great enough? I had been taught my entire life that if I had the faith of a mustard seed I could move mountains, was my faith not even as big as a mustard seed?

I started studying faith in the scriptures, I wanted to know how I could have more faith in Christ. I learned that Faith is having confidence in the Lord. I thought I had confidence in him but now I wasn't so sure. Then a miracle happened just when I was questioning if I even had any faith a wonderful inspired institute teacher taught me a lesson about faith. He told a story similar to what had happened to me and then he said something that I needed to hear at that moment " If God wants you to move that mountain you will move the mountain". And just like I learned that Faith is not talking God into doing my will but me figuring out what his will is and having a desire to do his will, having my will become the same as his.  Because really our will is the only thing that we can give to God that isn't something that is already his. Eventually my prayer was answered but I had to wait, and looking back at it now it really wasn't that long of a wait but in the moment it seemed like an eternity. This is why I love the scriptures, as I read the stories in them I see that the people who lived back then really are not that different then me, they struggled with the same things. Even though our worlds are completely different I can learn from their struggles and trials how to deal with my own. I am so very grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me! 

Love Ashley